What Is The Sexiest Word?

I asked the lovely Twitter folk their opinions on the sexiest word. And the Twitter folk, obliging bunch of hornbags that they are, responded with their usual randy enthusiasm for anything with a smidgeon of sauciness involved.

YES:

@GRIMACHU informed me that he thinks the word YES is the sexiest. He was joined by @drewadamson100 who also cited YES as his special favourite. I suppose it depends largely on the sort of question that the word YES is given in response to as to how sexy it seems. After all, a YES can be elicited from such queries as "Have you noticed that the grout's discoloured in the en suite?" , "Does anyone else think Auntie Mabel's started to smell funny?" or “Are you sure you won’t have one of Jocelyn’s organic mung bean patties?”

Now, far be it from me to burst anyone’s bubbles, YES can be sexy, but it’s sexier in multiples. But, beware... say, “Yes, yes,” and you might sound curt and stand offish, try “Yes, yes, yes!” and it has a far sexier feel. So it’s three yeses but not in X-Factor style. By the way, have you noticed that the grout’s discoloured in the en-suite? No? Thought not. Too preoccupied playing silly games on Twitter.

MOIST:

@LittleRants and @PeterClumpy like MOIST. Of course they do! MOIST is what cakes and soil should be so these guys might be bakers or gardeners, or both. More likely they were thinking along other lines, more curvaceous ones, perhaps. I really don’t have to spell it out, do I? Speaking of curvaceous…

CURVACEOUS:

@cyberdonkey suggested CURVACEOUS as the sexiest word. As a woman of fleshy roundessess myself, I won’t argue with him. Also, he’s 6ft 4inches of giant jazziness so what he says goes.

PLEASE: 

The politest boys in the class @Harry_Flowers and @thatandywhite both said PLEASE. I think they even put their hands up and called me Miss when they did so. Yep, as a standalone PLEASE is sexy sometimes.  It’s not quite so appealing if followed by a STOP or a DON’T or a JUST FUCK OFF. But I’m sure that’s not what these well-mannered creatures meant.

ORAL:

@milliwardipants suggested ORAL. Unless he’s a person with a dentist fetish we can only assume he was thinking in tongues. See what I did there? I am a cunning linguist.

ACCOUNTANCY:

Allow me to quote @fulhammatty. In response to the question: What is the sexiest word ever?” he replied: “ACCOUNTANCY. Definitely. With its Double-Entry Book-keeping and that.”

Well, I don’t know about you but it got me going. I was especially aroused by the ‘and that’.

ELLIPSIS, SLUG, RUMPELSTILTSKIN:

@probablySGT reckons ELLIPSIS is the one. @madlymuffiny says, “My money is on SLUG.” And @ashnod puts RUMPELSTILTSKIN forward as a contender. These three words, I imagine, are words that can be screamed out during orgasm with stunning effects. I’m sure I’ll be corrected if I’m wrong.

OHALRIGHTTHEN:

@mrnickharvey likes OHALRIGHTTHEN. I think this might be the name of his Swedish Au Pair. I didn’t like to ask further questions.

MELLIFLUOUS:

@andy_pattison must be a true romantic, choosing a word that generally pertains to sound. Aw, don’t you just love him.

VENUS:

Thanks to @69wurdz for suggesting VENUS. Of course it’s a sexy word. The name of the Goddess of Love and it rhymes with penis.

PLINTH:

@Mikeyukhc throws the word PLINTH in. He says, “Watch a woman's mouth when she says it. May not be ideal for you, works wonders for me, though.” I sat repeating the word PLINTH for a while and I think I get what he means.

That is all, people. But of course you must be desperate to know what I consider the sexiest word… Currently it is INEVITABLE. Don’t ask me why, I can’t explain.

  

The Ravenous House

The front door of the hilltop house,

Was warped and faced due south.

When open a glistening tongue rolled out,

The door was a gaping mouth.

The tongue unfurled down the garden path,

It licked the garden gate.

It orally molested anyone,

Who dared to arrive there late.

It lapped at ladies’ perfumed necks,

It nuzzled at their thighs.

It wrapped itself around young men.

It viciously ignored their cries.

All who entered the ravenous house,

Were swallowed raw, and whole.

Picked bones ejected out the back,

In a bin for each spat-out soul.

The door had teeth as sharp as claws,

It was not like most other doors.

It sometimes yawned and often burped,

It masticated and it slurped.

Whenever someone rang the bell,

The door would salivate like hell.

A drooling thing, a Pavlov hound,

Bear this in mind, should you go round.

But should the door take all the blame?

For eating everyone that came?

It was the house, that hungry hut,

Digested people in its gut.

A gut that looked much like a room

All bloody red, a red womb tomb.

In which no visitor stayed placid,

Corroding in digestive acid.

~

The front door of the hilltop house is warped and faces south.

When open a glistening tongue rolls out,

The door is a gaping mouth.

The tongue unfurls down the garden path

To greet you at the gate.

Be ready for a licking, friend,

You’re three minutes, one second late.

It’s lapping at your jugular,

It’s nuzzling at your thighs.

It’s wrapped itself around you.

It will ignore your cries.

And now you enter the famished house,

To be swallowed raw, and whole.

The bones of you tossed out the back.

In a bin for your inedible soul.

The door was not like other doors.

It bit you hard, then burped.

It crunched you to gristly pulp, and as it did it slurped.

Remember when you rang the bell?

The door did drip and drool like hell.

A dribbling thing, a Pavlov beast,

Made greedy for a human feast.

But should the door take all the blame?

For devouring you without asking your name?

Nay, t’was the house, that ravenous hut.

Digested you in its deathly gut.

Yet you must be named culpable too.

Let not our charge be hasty.

The house would not have eaten you.

If you hadn’t been so tasty.

*BURPS*